Hello from Washington D.C. (again), my home away from home away from home.
D.C. is bitterly cold. You can see the ice in the air; even the bright sunshine doesn't make a bit of difference. Every piece of my body not coated in at least three layers of clothing stings, and walking outside makes my nose and knees numb, and my eyes water. Not that I'm complaining. It's part and parcel of Life, after all, and feeling the cold is painful, but a pleasure of existence all the same.
I've spent a lot of time over the last week or so thinking about where I was a year ago. It's bizarre. Today, a year ago, I was walking around the Victoria Falls themselves, drenched by the rain and the spray, all on my own, happy as can be, independent and smiling inwardly, and probably outwardly too, vowing to cling to my independence, and to march forth boldly on my own, but also thinking that I would be at SECTION27 for the rest of the year, without the faintest inkling that I would be living in a foreign country, far away from home, studying things I want to study, exploring new cities, meeting new people.
Not even the faintest smidgen of an idea. How crazy is that?
And here I am. Living in the U.S.A. and exploring, far outside of my comfort zone, forced to face up to what my comfort zone even is, the new face and new accent everywhere I go to everyone I meet, some heartaches behind me (in a year that was supposed to be devoid of romance), having met hundreds of people (not even an exaggeration), confident and shaky at the same time, and awfully humbled by the unknowability of what might happen next.
I seem to be developing a tradition of doing meaningful things on New Years Eve (well, to me exploring Vic Falls on my own was meaningful). Today, K and I went to the 'Newseum', which is the D.C. museum on...you guessed it...News. I looked at all of the Pullitzer Prize-winning photographs, many of which depict truly devastating images of human sorrow and violence and hunger, but some of which capture moments of sheer joy and love and innocence and heroicism. I sat in a dark room and wept as I listened to reporters speaking about their experiences reporting 9/11 and watched the planes slam into those buildings and people diving from the windows, rather than go down with the building. And I wept again as I watched the videos of Alabama policemen setting dogs on black children participating in peaceful protests. And I flinch at the power we have, the awful and awesome power, to help and to hinder and to harm, and always to rise, and at the knowledge that anything can happen anywhere at any time. People are horrid and wonderful and confusing all at the same time; they make me want simultaneously to despair and to trudge forward, to throw in the towel and to continue to fight forever. The arc of humanity is long, I suppose, so rise and trudge we must.
I've been thinking these things, and grappling with bigger ideas of in/justice and im/morality to distract myself from the petty, mundane things that dampen my spirit, like how I miss home so terribly, and the gnawing feeling of being forgotten by people who you care so much about and think about often. Look at the bigger picture, keep the small things, for which the arc is short, in perspective, or try to eclipse them totally. It helps. Well, it helps most of the time
Anyway, since this is a New Years post, I should wish you a happy New Year! What are your resolutions? I haven't thought of mine properly, but they're blooming quietly in corners of my brain. Independence is very important. Keep pushing the rock up the mountain. Keep learning to be comfortable with discomfort. Be more authentic, more loyal. Try harder at things that matter. Keep learning. Stay humble. Be kind to yourself, and to others. Care less about 'beauty', more about the light inside. Be positive. Be strong. Be okay with not being strong all the time. Be bold. Stay true to my missions. Keep trying. Keep running and yoga-ing and eating kale. That's about it for right now.
2014 was a transition year. And it was both tough and good. In fact, I think the best way to describe it is 'overwhelming'. I hope that 2015 is a good year, maybe an easier one, with fewer extreme lows. I hope you will all experience an abundance of love and joy and peace, and that you will have the strength to deal with anything and everything that life throws at you.
Tonight I will be hunkering down with Tom and K, eating a dinner of collared greens, Hoppin' John, and cornbread (traditional Southern Carolinian food). Sending you lots of love from a bitingly cold D.C.
